I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
