i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
