my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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