You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's just like the Real World with babies
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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