I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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