I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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