Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone shattered a urinal.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
