i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
