Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
