Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
