Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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