He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
