allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
