I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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