Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
