I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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