I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
