i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
