you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
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What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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