i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
