I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
