An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
