Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
