I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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