I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
