Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
