So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
