my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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