So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
