He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
