I met the friendliest cop last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize