seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
