Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
