Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
