Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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