She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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