Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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