We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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