You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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