eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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