I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize