Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
