you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
