God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
