she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE