Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
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I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.