Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
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I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.