she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
