How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
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My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
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my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?