FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
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If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.