im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize