I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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