Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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