Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
