He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Panties = found
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
