Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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