I'm drive I can fine osifer
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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