I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
that is very illegal...i love you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
