you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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