Redeem this text for a blowjob
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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