i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
