I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
