you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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