i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I believe in your delicious
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
