cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
