Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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