I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
