Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
