just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
