they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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