matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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