yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
