Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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