i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
