New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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