Umm I'm too high to move.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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