You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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