Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
